So, people are rude. People judge. People are ignorant. People make assumptions, which end up being wrong most of the time.
I just got off the phone with a guy from LDS Employment Services (ah, the joys of finding a job) and he was blatantly rude to me about putting my kids in child care (as if I didn't realize how SUCKY it is to have to go back to work and have someone else watch my babies all day). And the lame part is that I know this will not be the last time I am judged because of my situation. Which is hurtful because it is a situation I did not choose--in fact, I tried everything within my power to avoid it. Everything. But there is a lot of judgement passed around, especially within the LDS community, and especially about divorce (for those of you who don't know yet, I guess now is as good a time as ever to spill the beans--Brad and I are divorcing. And it sucks).
I will get over it, but I guess the point of me spewing right now is to point out that we don't know what is going on in other people's lives or hearts. And the people we are most likely to judge are often the ones who most need our compassion.
The Shoe Cobbler
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Happy Monday, friends! Christmas week! Wahoo!
We went with the Husband's family (all 15 children in his family + 55
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9 years ago
30 comments:
UGHH! oh, Nikki, I'm so sorry you had to get the "what kind of mother are you?" chat! I have gotten that a few times, and I don't even have an excuse for working anymore other than we like to play and do fun things with our kids and don't want to live paycheck-to-paycheck. I will be the first to tell you that putting your kids in daycare is not the end of the world, they will grow up to be happy, healthy, brilliant, well-behaved children just like they would have if you kept them at home. I hate feeling anger toward people, but I sure hope you told him to go sc**w himself! You are putting up with enough crap right now.
P.S. I love your new page, it is so dang cute!
OH girl I'm so sorry to hear about you and Brad. What happened? If you want to talk please call me or email me anytime. I really am sorry and want to know if there is anything I can do for you. And going to work is not the end of the world. People do it all the time. It does not mean you are a bad mother. Like you said most people are asses! They don't know your situation. I have to work also but I am lucky enough to be able to work from home. Are you living back in San Diego? What is going on? Please email me. Love you girl! Take care of you and those babies.
first of all i LOVE your new page...soooo cute!
second of all i HATE mean, rude people that judge.
third of all I MISS YOU and your cutie kids!!
Nikki - Don't listen to those people --- That guy doesn't know you - I do - And I know that your are a good person - Wether you work or not not or are married or not has nothing to do with that! All that matters is that you know who you are and that you are loved! I love you Nikki! I am so sorry for your hard times! Love Chris
so sorry to hear the hard times you are going thru, Nikki. I'll pray that a great job comes your way!!
I agree, people are stinking rude sometimes. You know what, I do not like rude people at all. Well I hope you realize that you are not a bad mother for working and putting your kids in daycare. You are a great mother for doing what you need to do for your children. Searching for a job can be frustrating (I’ve been casually looking for one too) but you will find one. I’ve looked into medical transcribing- which requires a somewhat expensive training course, but it is eventually something you can do from home. Just a thought.
I think about you all the time!
Hi Nikki my name is Amanda...you don't know me but I am good friends with Rachel and hung out with her and Brad at Ricks. Well I don't ever talk about this but I to am divorced. I don't need to know your story but I will share mine. I was divorced about 4 years ago. Once I was divorced I busted my butt and went to college and received my Bachelors in Business, became a Marketing Specialist, and stood on my own 2 feet. There was a point in my life where I didn't want to get up in the morning, I didn't want anyone to know because I was so embarrassed. But just last year I had "my happily ever after" and found the man of my dreams. He didn't care about my divorce and now we are married. I realized I had to take things one day at a time and no more or no less. I know you probably have tons of support. But I am just letting you know I understand and will keep your family in my prayers. sorry for the long message from a stranger.
You tell 'em Nikki! I'm so sorry you have to face all that negativity. You deserve to be happy. What a blessing your family must be right now!! Your ward family is here for you too! I love, love, love to see your smile and hear your beautiful voice singing. Next time I see you, I owe you a big hug! I pray for you sweetie!!
Hey, anonymous...thanks for the nice thoughts, but I don't know who you are! Maybe that was the point :)
Hey Nikki- Not trying to be anonymous, just forgot to sign in before I made the comment! I'm not really the anonymous type. I want everyone to know that I think you're awesome and you deserve the best!! Much love- Cathi
Hi Nikki,
Another message from someone you don't know. :) I was friends with Rachel when she was in Elk Grove Park Ward. I came across your blog once when I was looking at Rachel's blog. I'm sorry that things are rough for you right now. I have no experience in the things you are going through but I wish the very best for you.
Nikki~ I am sooo sorry to hear about all the trials your going through right now. If you ever need anything please let me know. I am soooo sorry to hear your unhappy news. I am certian that your children will be happy in daycare and they will not be scarred in the long run. YOu have to do what you have to do. Your in my thoughts and prayers.
Amanda~
I am so sorry that you had to experience the "my life seems perfect" speach from someone that has no idea what life is really about! I hate rude people and I hate people that judge other people, it is the worst seriously I've been through it many many times and if I didn't have such a testimony I would have quit a long time ago. So what I am saying is that you know who you are and that Heavenly Father loves you more than anything and that these other people can all go to somewhere else! Seriously if you want to give me the stupid guys phone number I am not afraid to speak my mind on this subject that bugs me to death, just ask Mike!!! I hope everything is as well as possible and if you need anything just let us know. Mike prays for you and your girls every night, you are such a good person and it sucks that bad things happen!!
Pack your bags, jump on the plane, and come over here to the east. Julia and I are waiting. We will have much fun hanging and visiting the sights. I miss you and now know we definitely aren't in touch like we should be.
Kristen
Nikki,
If you are still in town and need help with your children - I am here for ya! Good Luck with the job hunt and don't get discouraged. Don't let the lame LDS stigma get to you...some people are just plain IGNORANT to real life!
Leslie
I cried for you when I read this post. If you're staying in Lincoln and need help with your kids, please call me. Your family will be in my prayers.
Katie H.
Soooo sorry to hear about your rough time! People really have no idea, and I think that guy has the wrong job if he is going to be judging people! I feel for you and really wish there was something I could do to help! Hang in there! You'll be in our prayers!!
Oh Nikki...I had no idea and I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this! I wish that we lived closer I would love to hang out with those cute girls of yours...our kids are like the same ages and they would have so much fun together!! They are seriously the cutest girls. I don't know why people think it is necessary to judge when they have no idea what you have or are going through. I know I'm not close, but if I can do anything...are you in San Diego? We will keep you in our prayers...stay strong.
Nikki, sorry that the man was so rude to you on the phone. When I delivered my twins in the hospital without a father there, you wouldn't belive the crap that nurses would say to me. People are very ignorant. If you can, I would move home. My parents have been such a blessing in my life---plus I can get out once in a while for me time---which you will need. Also, maybe we should start a club of single moms with two cute kids. Sorry nikki, if i can do anything let me know. email me at angelastuckey@gmail.com
Gosh, why do people have to be so stinkin rude and assume things that they know nothing about. That sucks that you had to hear those things and I am sure that you are feeling those things from other such people that feel they should put in their "all knowing" 2 cents... :(
I am so proud of you and the way you hold your head up and carry on. You are such a strong and faithful mother! You truly are amazing and such a wonderful person! Let's get together again! :)
Alright tell LDS services to shove it.. and then say what would Gordon B do for me? Find you a job right!
Lucky for you, you are 100% fabulous and know that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. You are doing just great. I'm up north now.. let me know what your plans are.. I need to give you a big hug.
I sent you an email...hope thats okay:)
Soooooo sorry to hear what you're going through right now. Wow, you're amazing for keeping up with your blog -- it just shows that you're being a really strong person and that you're trying really hard to keep it together. Nikki, I've always thought you were an amazing person. You have so much drive and passion for life. You will get through this. I know you have an amazing support system out there for you and your girls. Doors will open for you and things will work out as you and your heavenly father (a companion you can always count on) work together!! I had an older friend who told me that about her life as she looked back on her divorce when she was young. She said as long as you follow the Savior, he'll lead the way and things will be better than ever.love you Nikki!!
Nikki-so sorry to hear what you are going through. Just remember all the people who truly care about you, admire your strength, and know what a great mom you are.
By the way, I had fun hanging out with you at April's. We should do it again sometime.
Until a couple of weeks ago I had NO idea about your marital problems, which goes to show that:
1)you are stronger than you know and
2)that you are doing your absolute best and not just breaking down and having a pity party(at least not in public...:)
Despite this rough patch that you are going through, just remember that you are an amazing person that has so much going for you. I know that it is hard receive help or to to ask for support but please don't hesitate to call me ANYTIME.
This is Julie Lund, your old friend from Children's Chorus. I heard about your divorce, and I'm so sorry. Sorry you have to deal with people judging you from the outside and sorry you have to deal with taking your life in an unexpected direction. But if anyone can handle it, you can.
Nikki, I'm so sorry to hear life is tough now. Just hang in there and remember the Lord doesn't give you any trial you can't handle. Sorry about that rude guy. Don't let that get to you, I know you are a great mom and you just adore those little girls! Who couldn't adore them, they are so cute!
Hey Nicky....I have known you for a while and have to say you are one of the nicest and most giving person. Your girls are BEAUTIFUL and have the best role model for a Mom. Much Love and lots of prayers for you...
Nikki,
I was checking out different blogs and happened on yours. It is so dang cute! I need to find a way to make mine not look so generic! Anyway, I am so sorry for you. I want you to know how much I look up to you! You, as many have stated, are an amazing person! And if you are still here in Lincoln I would be happy to help with anything at all! I will keep you in my prayers also! Know how much you are loved by so many!
Tammi
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