So Ryah turned one on Sunday! I can't believe it. Reflecting on this past year brings up so many emotions for me...and most of them are not pleasant. I'm pretty sure that the months following Ryah's birth hold the #1 spot on the "Crappiest Times in Nikki's Life" list.
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It feels terrible even saying that, but her birth was really a turning point for me. She was a VERY DIFFICULT baby. Literally cried all the time, and didn't sleep longer than an hour or two at a time for months. I got mastitis (if you've never had that, just go take a steak knife and jab your chest with it a couple of times and you'll get the general idea of it). I had a very time and energy consuming calling. My mom got diagnosed with cancer and underwent chemo and radiation. And the you-know-what hit the fan with Brad and I, and took a serious turn for the worse. Well, things hadn't been good for a while, but no one knew (including our families) until the weekend Ryah was born.
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That was the weekend I realized that the situation was bigger than I could handle by myself.
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Anyway, it was such a hard time in my life. I look back and know that there is no way I could have gotten out of bed in the morning had I not had some serious help from my Father in Heaven. It's interesting that while I was in it, I didn't realize how serious things were. I was sort of a zombie, just going through the motions to get through the days. But looking back I am so thankful that I am not in that place anymore. And even though things are difficult (in a different way) now, they are nowhere near as crappy as they were a year ago.
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And so, Ryah's birthday this week was a celebration of new life in so many ways. I am so blessed to have this sweet baby in my life. She reminds me that I have much to be thankful for.
And so, Ryah's birthday this week was a celebration of new life in so many ways. I am so blessed to have this sweet baby in my life. She reminds me that I have much to be thankful for.
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Happy birthday sweet girl! You are loved by many.
30 comments:
Nikki, I love you. You truely are amazing, and I totally appreciate how you just lay it out on the table.
So the next time the you know what is about to hit the fan, or you are feeling like you know what... call me, so I can tell you how incredibly strong and fabulous you are.
Then I will show you pictures of us in matching red leather pants and you can laugh.
Happy Birthday little one.
You look so beautiful in that picture. I love it. She is the cutest thing in the world - I miss you guys. :(
What a great tribute to the last year. It is wonderful that you can look back and realize that even though times are hard now in different ways, you are still in a better place than you were. Happy Birthday baby Ryah and happy starting over NIkki!
She is so cute. I can't believe how big she is getting. She really is beautiful, I think she looks just like you. I'm so sorry this has been a hard year for you, I can't even imagine what you have been through. Our Heavenly Father must know your pretty special, He knew you could handle it all, and that it would help you become more like him, which you have. Keep hangin in there.
Oh my goodness those are such adorable pictures. You know how absessed I am with photography...they just made me gasp! You two are both so beautiful...it's not even fair! Oh I totally know how it feels to have a horrible baby...Logan about killed me cuz he cried non-stop and never took naps. I later found out that he had acid reflux...2 months old and I finally called his dr. willing to give him away! Doc put him on prevacid and he was a totally different baby. Now Boston is sending me through the whirl wind...not sleeping through the night anymore and has to be held and walked around with all day long...for goodness sake! Can't a mamma have a break?!?!
I'm glad everything is looking up for you. I know I don't know you personally, but I truly think you are so amazing and you inspire me on all different levels. You make me feel like it's okay to be me, to be human. To have crappy days and to cry and to wonder and to smile!
gosh- nevermind the typos. It's early!
Beautiful, Nikki. Elegantly stated -- no cheap dramatic flair, yet no pollyana-ish glossing over of very painful events, either.
I'm glad that you're making it, and I'm confident that you'll continue to do so.
Beautiful, Nikki. Elegantly stated -- no cheap dramatic flair, yet no pollyana-ish glossing over of very painful events, either.
I'm glad that you're making it, and I'm confident that you'll continue to do so.
Beautiful, Nikki. Elegantly stated -- no cheap dramatic flair, yet no pollyana-ish glossing over of very painful events, either.
I'm glad that you're making it, and I'm confident that you'll continue to do so.
Hi Nikki,
You don't know me, I am a "friend of a friend". I have checked in on your blog once and a while. After reading your latest entry I felt I had to write you, because I can not believe how similar life has been for us. (only I am you in 5 years and yes I am living happily ever after!!!) Hang in there. You are doing a great job, and I know Heavenly Father has so many great things in store for you!!!! Write me if you get a chance, but I will warn you, we have way too much in common!!
-Nici (even our name!)
OK, you and Ryah look totally beautiful! This post totally made me cry..haha no big surprise there. :)
I was thinking that we met and became really good friends during the worst time of your life...i hope i'm not a reminder of bad things.
Anyway. August 7-19th we'll be in CA. we will be getting together often. :) yeah!
OH.. and Happy Birthday to Ryah! What a lucky girl to have such a fabulous mother!
She is so cute! And you look hot!!
It has been one hell of a year! :)
Ryah is a beautiful birthday girl!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAH! I know what you mean about a crapy first year! Only mine was a little different. I had to try really hard on Creightons Birthday to remember it was his birthday and not remember the news of the diagnosis. I love you Nikki! You are so strong!
It's so nice to hear things are going better for you. I always hope and pray for the best for you, you really are a fantastic person. Ryah is getting so big and is as adorable as ever. These pictures of her remind me SOOOOOOO much of Breanna it kinda freaked me out, WOW. I'll have to scan in some old pictures from when she was 1, you'll see what I mean. We come down in two weeks, and will be there for 2 weeks I'd love to see you, if you are up for it :)
I can't believe that little Ryah is already one! Happy first birthday to her and to you... She is such a doll, and she's the best thing about your crappy year. You are one amazing person Nikki, and I know you'll be blessed ten fold for your faithfulness... you truly are such an example to me. Love ya!!
By the way, you don't ever take a bad picture!! I'm so jealous, you hot mama!
She is super cute Nikki!!! My Ryan will be 1 in a week and a half and I can't believe it!!!
Happy Birthday sweet little thing. I can't believe you have had such a hard year. You are such an amazing person! I feel so blessed to know you!
Tough year, huh? Sorry, I don't know all the details. I would like to help. Let me know what I can do to make life easier.
For now, know that an old friend cares for your well being. Gorgeous daughters.
-Moussey
P.S. Red leather pants? I remember those.
Happy Birthday to Ryah! I can't believe she is 1! And adorable as ever! I'm sorry this past year has been tough on you! You are such an amazing person and even through it all have managed to become even MORE amazing!! (Slow down a bit and give the rest of us a chance to catch up!! :)~) You so strong and I really admire the way you live your life. And I love the 'no sugar coating' way you express yourself. I just wish we lived closer to each other so I could be there for you and get to play with those girls!!!! Love ya!
Nikki you are so amazing and strong. You will be the greatest example to your girls of how to handle whatever life throws at them. Your daughters are so beautiful, as are you!
This is a really inspiring blog. Especially for members of the LDS church. Good luck with all you do.
Happy Birthday Ryah! Sorry I am a few days late! We love you Ryah, you brighten up our days just like your beautiful and amazing mother!
um so you get WAY more comments than I do...therefore apparentley more friends. I'm excited if I get 6 comments! So you may not even see this comment because it'll just mingle amongst the hundreds more, but you too look cute. I can't believe Ryah is 1! They really do grow fast. You look beautiful in this picture too. I love you!
Nikki!! This is Keli that lived with you in Provo at King Henry!! I first found all you girls on facebook last night-with everyone have different last names it was hard to find you all but once I found one I found you all. So cool all you girls are so close. So I've been reading you blog for about an hour now. Honey I'm so sorry. My prayers are with you. You are a strong girl. I know you will get through this.
Well I blog too. I'm going to add you to mine okay?? my blog is
bullenfam.blogspot.com
Note to self: Don't leave your blog unattended for a few days...you will have A LOT of comments to respond to when you log back on to cyberworld! AND I LOVE IT! So here goes:
*Jenny Box--hahahaha!! I freaking love you. Ahh the days of the red leather pants...haha! Let's face it. We were pretty bangin in those, even though they were ridiculously uncomfortable to dance in :) Keep those pictures on standby in case of another Nikki emergency. Thanks.
*Rae, Ang, & Amber--thanks for your uplifting comments! Too bad you all live so far away!
*Chantri--I laugh at every comment you leave me! I love it. Thanks for the compliment about me and Ryah bear. I am laughing because I almost didn't put that picture of her and I up because I thought I looked creepy in it. haha. Goes to show what I know. And I LOVE the name Boston! so cute! How old is he? And just deciding to not sleep through the night anymore...ugh. Babies are hard. The end :)
*Nici--thanks so much for commenting! You are me five years from now huh...how's it looking out there? It gives me courage to know you have been through something similar and are now living your happily ever after :) I would love to email you and get more details on how our situations are similar. What is your email address?
*Julia--you emotional little thing! I miss you! I've thought about that a lot, too, how we became friends during a serious rough patch for me. I've often wondered if you ever thought I was psycho or totally unavailable and just didn't ever know why. I will always be very thankful for your friendship during that time in my life. Now that I'm more normal ::cough::cough:: you live too darn far away!! I'm so excited for you guys to come out. We'll live it up for sure.
*Leslie--hahahah!! Thank you for that. Totally needed it :)
*Heidi--I'm sure your first year with Creighton was a very difficult one...and it's interesting to think that each year on his birthday you will have to focus on him and not the negatives...I will totally have to do that with Ryah, too. Her birthday will always remind me of the toughest time in my life, but look at what a sweetheart I got out of it! I'll just have to focus on that...Thanks for your comment. If I wasn't freaking working all the time we would hang out more :) I get a serious kick out of you.
*Jenn--she reminds you of Bre, huh? I have been blown away by how much she looks like Brad lately. Seriously, it's like his face lookng up at me half the time. It's a good thing he's cute!! :) What are the dates you guys will be here?
*April--thanks for the comment. It's nice to be reminded of that every once in a while. And in response to that last part...you obviously haven't seen every picture ever taken of me. There are some sweet ones :)
*Erin--thanks for the comment! Funny that your baby Ryan is practically the exact same age as my Ryah! They should get married.
*Tammi--I am really touched by your comment. Thanks.
*Moussey--ok. I'm starting to get a little suspicious of you. What if you don't even know me at all? What if that's why you're being anonymous...because I have no clue who you are? haha. I've decided you need to prove to me that you know me. Tell me a memory or something that would convince me. Or don't. I guess you don't have to. But I'm needing a little convincing...
*Kami--I don't know what it is about you, but I just love you! We only lived by each other for a few short months (and I was pregnant and adjusting to a newborn for most of it, leaving less-than-ideal time for socialization), but I just really clicked with you. I think you are so funny, and I wish we lived closer! By the way, I just was looking at the recipe for lava cakes that you gave me back in the day and thought about you...tender. Thanks for your sweet comment.
*Jessica & Kristin--thanks for your comments! Jessica, the part about being an example really hit home for me. Thanks :)
*Heather--thanks for the good luck wishes! I'm glad you came across my blog. Hope to hear from you again!
*Tressa!! I think this is my first official comment from you!! And of course I will see your comment! They get emailed to me...so I don't miss any of them :) And am I going back on your Hate List because I have more comments than you? haha.
And lastly...
*Keli girl!! SO glad you found me!! It has been forever! I think the last time I saw you was at Tressa's reception in 2005. Do you remember that? Welcome to the blogging world! KING HENRY REUNION!! haha.
OKAY EVERYONE (if you're still reading...and obviously bored,or else you would have found something more interesting to read) I am really going to try and comment back on a daily basis, so I don't have to do this long nonsense again! Keep your fingers crossed.
Hi Nikki,
I'm excited to share stories...niciroberts@hotmail.com
Keep smiling!! Nici
Maybe I don't know you. Shoot, you aren't the Nikki Schroeder from Fargo, North Dakota. Sorry. Wrong person.
Good luck in the future.
-Moussey
P.S. Remember, no sharing your broccoli for a little while.
::so confused::
The broccoli thing sounds like it was an inside joke of some sort, but I seriously cannot remember. I've racked my brain for a few days, and I've got nothing! Sorry. New clue :)
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