This (Crummy) Thing Called LIfe

So. Life.

This past year has been a dark one for me, and through it I have had many realizations. I would like to share a big one with you all:

Life is freaking hard.

I have always said that I grew up living a "fluffy cloud" life. Life was applause and roses for most of my growing up experience. I have an awesome family, I always did well at pretty much anything I tried to do, I've never even experienced the death of someone close to me (even all 4 of my grandparents are still living). Life was beautiful, and fun--which made it easy to live the gospel and have a testimony. I never had any experiences that emotionally crippled me and had me asking God why...

Until now.

And as I've been going through this experience of divorce (with all the feelings of betrayal, and anger, and fear) my eyes have been opened to how difficult this life really is. And not just for me, in this moment, but for all of us.

We came to this life equipped with a beautiful, deadly thing. Agency. Part of having the ability to make choices, is the reality that we will make poor ones. And part of the consequence of making poor choices is that it creates pain for those we love, and for ourselves. Enter this (crummy) thing called life.

We also came to this life to be tested. In order for our faith to be proven, it must be tried. Enter this (crummy) thing called life.

I received terrible news about a friend this weekend, and it has really put me in a reflective mood. People all around me are dealing with seriously difficult trials. I would like to list a few trials that friends of mine are currently going through (don't be surprised if you see your trial on this list...it's probably you I'm referring to):

1. Eating disorder
2. Depression
3. Bipolar Disorder
4. Substance abuse problems
5. Serious family issues
6. Death of a sibling
7. Death of a child
8. Inability to get pregnant
9. Children with disabilities
10. Family members deployed
11. Loss of a pregnancy
12. Loss of job/money problems
13. Cancer
14. Death of a spouse

And for every person I know that is going through something like this, I'm sure there are other friends of mine going through heavy trials that I am just not aware of.

It is sobering (and depressing) to think about how many opportunities for pain exist in this life. Think of how our Heavenly Father must feel as He watches us suffer, knowing that if we can maintain our faith, and rely on Him, that it will all be for our own good; that we can know joy as exceeding as was our pain. I am reminded of a quote by Sheri Dew from her book No Doubt About It. I'm going to post it on here, even though its long. It is very comforting to me, especially in light of all the pain that seems to be around me right now.

"It is in moments of disappointment, heartache, and lonliness that we often make the decisions that forge our faith, mold our character, and fortify our convictions about the only source of strength and solace that satisfies. And that is Jesus Christ.

How do we know if we are honest, unless our honesty is put to the test? How do we know if we are filled with virtue, unless there are opportunities to choose a nonvirtuous path that we then resist? How do we know if we can bear up under challenge and trial, unless we have challenge and trial? And how can we expect to feel and taste the pure sweetness of the gospel of Jesus Christ, meaning specifically the power and peace of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, unless there are times in our lives when we desperately need and seek that peace and power?"

This is definitely a time in my life that I desperately need the peace of the Atonement. I am so thankful for my testimony of the gospel. I know that the Atonement of the Savior can be an unbelievable blessing in our lives if we choose to use it. I know that my Heavenly Father is intimately aware of me, and the things I have gone through can draw me closer to Him if I allow them to. I am thankful for the knowledge that (as stated by Warren Weirsbe) "When God permits His children to go through the furnace, He keeps His eye on the clock and His hand on the thermostat. His loving heart knows how much and how long."

Bye bye fluffy clouds. Here comes the fire.