Thoughts on 8

So.

Prop 8.

Pretty big news, in case you weren't aware.

I have got to say that I have been shocked at the way people on both sides of the vote have behaved concerning this issue. I have had conversations with people on the Yes side that have left me feeling angry and embarrassed by their ignorant and condescending attitude.

I have read articles like this one that show very clearly how hate and intolerance are just as real from the No side.

I have seen protests and commercials as described in this article that show how the Mormon church is being targeted for its contribution to the Yes on 8 campaign. We have been accused of being bigots. We have been accused of hate. We have been accused of intolerance.

And it's just downright not true.

The truth of the matter is that the way Prop 8 was set up forced us (as LDS people) to make a choice between our own religious rights, and the rights of homosexuals. And in the same way, it forced homosexuals to make a choice between their rights and someone else's religious rights. There was not a way for my rights and their rights to be equally preserved. And so I voted for mine, and they voted for theirs. It was not a matter of hate or intolerance.

In fact, the LDS church made a statement on November 5 clearly stating that the church believes that gay and lesbian couples should have equal rights. The fact that we believe that the word MARRIAGE defines the relationship between a man and a woman does not mean that we believe in oppressing others. In the church's response (found here at ldsliving.org) is the following paragraph:

Allegations of bigotry or persecution made against the Church were and are simply wrong. The Church’s opposition to same-sex marriage neither
constitutes nor condones any kind of hostility toward gays and lesbians. Even more, the Church does not object to rights for same-sex couples regarding hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights, so long as these do not infringe on the integrity of the traditional family or the constitutional rights of churches.

Finding that balance between my rights and your rights, his rights and her rights, the rights of the mother and the rights of the unborn child, the rights of the individual and the rights of the government, has been and will continue to be a major part of democracy. I want to make sure my rights are preserved, just as you want to make sure yours are. And we all have the opportunity to make our voices heard. It is unfortunate that the voices of opposing sides tend to be silenced by ignorance and hatred.

As most of you know, I recently began a Master's program in Marital and Family Therapy. It's safe to say that I am absolutely in the minority when it comes to politics and religious beliefs. Wednesday night I sat in class listening to a roomful of students (including a gay man) and my lesbian professor talking about how despicable it was that Prop 8 passed. I did not volunteer my opinion, until my professor asked me to share my thoughts. I really can't explain how intimidating it was to sit in a room full of my peers who vehemently disagreed with Prop 8 and look my lesbian professor in the eye and tell them I voted yes. I told them that I believe that same sex couples should have equal rights, but that I believe marriage is ordained of God and is between one man and one woman. They respectfully asked me questions about my faith, about the Church's beliefs about God and modern day prophets.

And then something beautiful happened. We understood each other in a deeper way. We recognized that there could be mutual respect for each other, though our beliefs are very different. We connected on a human level, the level that in each of us really craves acceptance.

And that, my friends, is the true meaning of tolerance...